22nd December 2008
I don’t know what I wanna do. Seriously, my life is so fucked-up right now that I barely can take my breath. My life before was easy, laid back and simple; exactly what I wanted after my graduation. But I never satisfy with that, I still felt emptied and unhappy. Maybe because of the worriedness I had every month, especially when it’s time to pay the bills. Or maybe there are other reasons, I don’t know…I still want more…of life, and me.
At first I thought I wanna become a writer, coz my head is creating new story everyday with images flashes through my brain with a leading lady never had her happily ever after. But sadly I sucked at writing. Whenever I start writing the first paragraph, or the first page, I never really can continue to the next phase. So I abandon that idea, but never truly give up (I start writing this blog to ‘practice’ my writing skills, with 'very' little improvement).
I envy people with ambition and passion. Because they basically love what they are doing, no matter how hard it is. Example, those in CNN’s ‘impact your world’, full-time moms and Kevin Rose (I love this guy, I wish he marry me ;p hahahaha…kidding, it’s a joke, ignore it, it just one of my many fantasies that never going to happen). I mean, they LOVE what they do, LOVE their JOB, ENJOY the life they currently living. I envied people like that, because that’s what I endlessly looking for, to live the life to fullest with happiest even though it hard work. I remember a quote from 8TV’s ‘Fieldtrip
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